Thank You 2020
Thanking the struggles for being my teacher
It is so difficult to say thank you to 2020. Really, this has been the worst year of my life. I was enjoying my stay in Canada and the Netherlands in 2019. Travelling every weekend, meeting new people, enjoying easy access to psychedelics, gaining novel experiences and had nothing much to worry about — I was a flying bird.
Fast forward to 2020: after the lockdown, nearly the whole year was dark. I am an extrovert, and staying at home with unrelatable parents was a nightmare coming alive. Calendar was changing, but my days remained the same. Oversleeping, waking up without any motivation, no proper schedule, gaining weight at home, and what not — ahh! the flying bird was caged suddenly.
But life is a Yin-Yang, so there’s always some light in the darkness. I felt thankful to be safe in the pandemic. I felt love and gratitude towards my family, although it is hard for me and my parents to relate, at least they cared about me. I felt lucky to have enough wealth to survive amidst the lockdown. And with all these, I felt extreme empathy for the people who suffered because of the pandemic — souls who left us — families without basic amenities to survive the lockdown — the world living in uncertainty… the list goes on and on. I was overwhelmed with so many waves of emotions, on one side, my ego was looking at my suffering; the other end was my true self, who was feeling sensitive towards the people in grief.
Being on the path of spirituality, I was looking for a way to see the bliss beyond suffering. This is where being stuck at home helped me. I got enough time in winters to visit the vipassana meditation retreat. Thanks to it, I realized it is “not about the experience, but about maintaining the equanimity in that experience”. I realized I have been making the mistake of chasing experiences with psychedelics, and during the lockdown, when I lacked unconventional experiences, I started feeling low. So yeah, now that I know the secret, i.e. to be equanimous, I can’t grieve on my circumstances; instead, I have to accept them.
The real test of firmness is to be able to survive the worst. Though I stumbled a lot in the start, gradually, I learned how to accept this pandemic. So yeah, maybe, it is not that hard to say THANK YOU 2020 — for showering me with struggles — but teaching me a way to live through them.
I know there a lot of people who are still suffering because of the unexpected shift in the world. To all such people, I just wanna say: “trust the process”.
When you trust the process, there’s always a hope
The hope enkindles your path
The path is full of learnings
As you keep learning, you start embracing the life
The more you embrace, the more satisfied you feel
When there is satisfaction, there is gratitude
Gratitude fills your heart with love and bliss
And love is beyond the suffering
Thank you for reading. With all my heart, I wish you an ecstatic life ahead. Happy 2021!
