Legal Psychedelic Retreat: Volunteering at Synthesis
Unfolding the behind the scenes of a psychedelic ceremony at Synthesis.
About Synthesis
“Synthesis is a legal, medically supervised, psilocybin retreat center for professionals to experience personal growth, emotional breakthroughs and spiritual development” — Synthesis. (Did you literally think I wrote it so perfectly? This is a blog, not my CV guys :P)
They further describe,
“Our retreats are centered around the ceremonial use of high-dose, legal psilocybin truffles to catalyze this transformation, but the retreat experience goes far beyond that.
We have curated an expert team of facilitators, therapists, meditation and breathwork instructors, and designed an experience that blends the best of ancient wisdom, with cutting edge science.”
Synthesis, really?
So yeah, the claims made by them do sound bold. Those who have done psychedelics may think that most of the times a psychedelic journey is indeed unique and profound even when you don’t take it in a ceremony fashion. A doubt arises that is it worth to fly to the Netherlands and spend nearly 100x more money ($2000 as of Jan 2020 for a 3-day group retreat) than the price of truffles you consume during the ceremony? Can’t you just do it on your own with your friend as your trip sitter? And as you might have already made your mind, why would you even consider reading this blog?
I believe holding sacred space comes with responsibilities, a good trip sitter understands those responsibilities. A trip sitter who carries good intentions is the one who smooths your intense experience, the experience which can’t be materialized, thus can’t ever be re-payed in the form of material things. I understand most of my readers are people who can’t consider paying, and it is completely fine, I won’t push them to attend this retreat. This blog is meant for you all to realize that the power hidden in psychedelics is hard to unlock. Retreats like these are the tools to take you deeper, more than you ever can with any insane amount of dose taken individually.
“But Vismay, how?”
Hold on to your questions, keep an open mind, and read this blog further to know everything.
Oh Okay!! (retreat attendees laugh?)
Before we begin
How did I get the volunteering work? All the stars aligned!
I consider it my pleasure to be able to volunteer at Synthesis. The process of getting volunteering work wasn’t easy. I would say the path was a blend of my efforts with a touch of luck.
I wrote an email to Synthesis in Oct 2019 to know more about them. Later that month, I luckily met Martijn Schirp (Co-founder, Synthesis) at an event conducted by Amsterdam Psychedelic Research Association. He was standing just in front of me, my mind was like “Vismay, you have seen him somewhere”. I don’t know why, but I opened Synthesis team page and started comparing each face with the one in front of me. My eyes sparkled when I discovered he is the co-founder! I requested him for volunteering work or a project, but they didn’t have any vacancy. I wrote them several emails afterwards, which were left unanswered. I totally lost the hope then suddenly a mail comes to me from Martijn in December for volunteering opportunity. Now apparently they had vacancies only for January end retreat, and I wasn’t available during that time. They said that there may be a possibility of volunteering during 10–12 Jan but the confirmation would be provided in short notice. I submitted my CV and a 2-minute video for my motivation, there were series of video calls and finally, (luckily) I got the volunteering work during 10–12 Jan 2020 retreat.
I was a volunteer…
Obviously being a volunteer, there was neither any compensation for my work, nor I’m paid to write this blog. Just like my extreme desire to serve as a volunteer, this blog also comes entirely from my heart. Also, volunteer position restricted my access to only selected information, there are secrets which I don’t know, neither I have any right to know.
Like my other blogs, I fully maintain the originality of this blog by not allowing anyone at Synthesis intervene in my writing. This being said, I had to consciously stand between my boundaries of what could and couldn’t be shared.
Psychedelic journey isn’t what you think
The most common misconception about a psychedelic journey is that people consider it as only consuming drugs. Even experienced psychonauts often forget about the whole picture. A psychedelic journey has 3 main parts,
- Pre: Set and Settings (intentions and your surroundings)
- During: the psychedelic experience itself
- Post: the process of integration (using the experience in your life)
These 3 phases are the reason for an extreme level of difference in experiencing psychedelics alone vs taking it in a ceremony, having a good/bad experience vs having profound/challenging experience, being in an altered state of consciousness vs having a life-changing experience, feeling high vs feeling one with the universe, hallucinating vs seeing your true self. In short, tripping vs experiencing!
I feel so grateful that I was in a team where the focus was aptly weighted between these 3 phases. The blog will take you farther into how they accomplish these three phases.
Set and Settings
Day 1 focuses on set and settings, right from participants arrive at The Lighthouse to the point they take psychedelic truffles the next day, all the activities are structured in a way to prepare participants for a psychedelic journey take-off.
The Lighthouse
Starting with the settings, the way they have designed their venue, “The Lighthouse” is pretty incredible.
The Lighthouse is a special and inspiring place to slow down, disconnect your mind from the outside world, and journey deep within yourself — Synthesis
More information is provided on their website. I want to tell you about something Synthesis don’t, i.e. about their tiny perfections.
The Lighthouse had beautiful lighting conditions, there were candles, the background music was played in the main hall, moreover, a different aroma cover the whole place with positive vibes. The Lighthouse can be divided into many areas, as described below.
Main hall (the church) — a central area where everybody can sit together, chat, relax, dine etc. It was my job to keep an eye on the background music playing in the church and keep changing it according to the time of the day, which is a smart way to prime participants. The church also contains a fireplace to ground participants during their psychedelic journey.
Please note that I have used the word grounding several times in this blog. Grounding in spirituality means to be connected with the mother earth (the ground). It is essential to be grounded in life, and especially during a psychedelic journey, to avoid loss of contact with reality.
The ceremony room — an area where everybody consumes psychedelic truffles, and also where the group discussions were carried out. I have to admit that there is something different about the aura of that place. I felt a different ecstatic energy in it. In that room, I was also able to easily notice subtle sensations in my body; thus, I naturally remained focused in the present moment. Nobody was allowed to bring phones inside the room but the lead facilitator (just in case of any emergency). Volunteers had a job to provide participants with water bottles whenever they entered the room.
The kitchen — where we, the team members, used to eat together and discuss the plans of the ceremony (confidential stuff!). Believe me, I have seen the level of attention to details team members maintain about each and every participant and use that knowledge to tailor their experience. I won’t go into the details. The meetings used to focus only on participants. After all, the ceremony was for them.
The sauna — a volunteer was appointed to ensure the sauna is on when required. It was available for everyone during selected times except during the ceremony day. I didn’t use the sauna (Ah! now I think I should have).
Rooms — everybody gets shared accommodation. It was the volunteers’ job to check if the rooms were perfectly arranged with all the requirements.
Intentions
Participants had private sessions with the facilitators a day before truffles ceremony. We weren’t authorized to hinder them during those individual sessions. This was the part where facilitators helped participants consider their intentions for the trip. The best part of being in a retreat is that nobody comes to just “trip” or to just “experience”. Everybody had a greater intention, and I am sure the facilitators had helped them formulate it in the right way.
Group Discussions
All the general instructions were provided in the form of group discussions. Everybody was really supportive and considerate about each other’s vulnerabilities during all the group meetings. Another thing I liked was the concept of a talking stick, i.e. the person who was talking has to hold that stick and rest stays quite. Since talking about psychedelic experiences and life in general often gets overwhelming, with the talking stick in hand, the speaker can take long pauses and others would be aware of it. Personally, with the stick in my hand, I felt I have a right to speak, and I knew nobody would interfere when I am speaking.
Breathwork Sessions
Sven was breathwork facilitator. Previously, I have tried breathwork exercises on my own, but the way Sven conducted it was simply profound. His instructions took me into a trance state like never before. He also conducted some fun activities during day 1. Although those activities may seem only for fun, we were noticing the response of the participants, which was discussed the next day during the team meeting. The breathwork exercises were also carefully observed. It wasn’t unexpected to see a change in participants’ response to those exercises before and after the truffles ceremony. If I were a participant, I would have never known that such extreme care is taken by the facilitators to ensure the best possible outcome from the retreat.
Highly Anticipated: Truffles Ceremony
Day 2 was dedicated to becoming one with truffles energy. All the team members wore white clothes for the ceremony. The way everybody was shining in those white clothes reflected the speciality of the day. The ceremony room was cleaned, candles were lighted, mattresses covered with white bedsheets were laid down in a circle, and gravity blankets were put on top of them. Small buckets and tissue boxes were also kept in the room in case somebody feels a need to purge. Facilitators also arranged crystals in the centre of the circle for grounding purposes. Finally, the room was smudged (smoke cleansing) with pure intentions.
To familiarize participants with truffles, they were given instructions to prepare their own tea. We appropriately weighted truffles and provided it graciously to the participants. I feel the way participants sit together and delicately prepare their own tea was an excellent group activity. After making the tea, everybody was brought into the ceremony room.
Just like the ceremony room was smudged previously, everybody was also smudged before they entered the room. Though participants had an option to opt-out from this process, to best of my knowledge, nobody raised any objection.
All these preparations filled positive energy in everybody’s mind, body and the sacred space. The ceremony began with a properly designed music playlist by Mendel Kaelen (Ph.D. student, Imperial College London). Tea was brought to all the participants. I still remember those moments when I was carefully observing everybody, some seemed anxious and some were excited, but on everybody’s face, there was an expression of seriousness and respect towards truffles.
I could see the dedication of the team members to serve the participants. It isn’t an easy job to hold space for others on psychedelics. It comes with huge responsibilities. We were observing everyone’s body posture and facial expressions and communicating using hand gestures if any help was needed. The ceremony room was never left unattended. It must be noted that all the participants were instructed to wear their Mindfolds, so nobody was aware of our actions. Another attention to detail I found was that the participants were asked to close the washroom door but not lock it from inside, and there was someone from the team who stood outside the washroom during that time. I hope I need not explain the reason for the same.
When my skeptic mind surrendered…
As everything was going good, I closed my eyes in order to meditate. I had my right leg stretched. After a few minutes, I felt a sudden vibration in my right leg, I opened my eyes and our lead facilitator, Natasja, was approaching me. I don’t know if I just felt the vibration by mistake, or it was something magical. Really I don’t know the reasons for all these transformations, it can be just my mind, or the place, or the combined energy of team members, truffles and the participants. I just know it worked that way.
Ceremonial Music
I want to say about their music playlist a little more. Their playlist mostly contained calm music, with lyrical songs only at the end. Also, the way the playlist starts cues the listener to have a more spiritual journey. I feel that calmer music during a psychedelic session helps to think more about life and traumas. Contrary, any fast pace music with beats and drums increases the unpredictability of the trip; also, it often gets overwhelming and doesn’t help much in the healing process. There were also silent parts in the music playlist which provides a break from digital sounds. Moreover, singing bowls were used along with the ceremonial scents several times during those silent parts of the playlist, which I am sure would have pushed the experience deeper.
This being said, not all the participants liked the playlist. This is one drawback of such group ceremonies that music can’t be tailored to individual preference. Also, they were using speakers to play the music, which again doesn’t provide that deep experience, when compared to the music played using headphones.
Art Section
During a psychedelic trip, one’s creative self comes on the surface. It is usual to feel the need to draw or sketch visuals. There was a separate table dedicated for this purpose. We laid down drawing sheets, sketch pens, colour pencils etc. I don’t remember if anybody used it during their trip, but I am glad this facility was provided to the participants.
Integration
This is the most crucial phase of a psychedelic journey, and I believe synthesis pulled it off very well. Just like day 1, the participants had private sessions scheduled with the lead facilitators. Again, though I don’t know the details about their individual sessions, I can vouch that it must have been beneficial. During integration circle, participants were guided to carry the experience with them for a long time. Moreover, there were instructions on how one can relive parts of those experience by using the same scents and music which were used during the ceremony. As meditation and breathwork share the same energy as that of a psychedelic journey, participants were requested to keep continuing these practices at their home. I have to admit even I learned a lot from their integration tips and am using it for my benefits.
After closing the integration circle, and hence the retreat, all the participants packed up to leave The Lighthouse. There were warm goodbye hugs and loads of positive blessings for each other. Personally, I was exhilarated when I received so many thanks and wishes from everyone.
When the participants left, we had a team discussion where the focus was concentrated on the well-being of the participant beyond the retreat. They don’t settle their relationship with the participants after the end of the retreat. At Synthesis, facilitators schedule a follow-up call to catch up with participants integration process. We discussed the ways these follow-ups can be personalized for each participant. Ultimately, the real struggle beings on stepping out of the psychedelic experience, and merging with the same old system but with a new perspective, which doesn’t align with the worldly thought process. It is challenging to accept that everything remains the same but the internal thought process, which makes all the difference.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” — Zen
Negative sides of the retreat
I have spoken a lot about positive points of the retreat, but I wish every retreat was as ideal as I have portrayed till now. Experiencing the power of psychedelics comes with uncertainty. I have previously mentioned in one of my blogs that psychedelics don’t show you what you want, it shows you what you need. If you are attending a retreat it doesn’t mean you will surely have an unprecedented time. That being said, not all the participants had a great time in the ceremony, some went through a tremendously difficult experience where they had to face their traumas. Facilitators especially paid extra attention to help such participants. Thankfully, they felt better the next day; also, their challenging experience made sense to them.
The retreat itself had some drawback too. Like the music playlist point I mentioned earlier. Also, because it was a group ceremony, it lacked privacy. Some participants were laughing in ecstasy and some were going through intense ego death at the same time. Personally, I would never want it during my journey. Even participants also communicated the same issue. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is any solution to the same except for private retreats. But again, private retreats also come with their own drawbacks like the absence of connection with a group.
So Vismay, will you be interested in attending it as a participant?
Psychedelics aren’t for everyone, and such ceremonies reduce the domain even further. I don’t think I would want to attend that retreat as a participant. Let me explain you.
First of all, I don’t have that much money. Second, when you are in a ceremony, you have some constraints. As I have previously mentioned in my blogs, I don’t like any limitations holding my experience. I love freely doing whatever I want with my journey. Be it shouting, crying, jumping, writing, staring at the mirror for hours, eating whatever I want, calling my friends etc. Third, I feel I am experienced enough to go deeper without any assistance. I don’t think I have previously mentioned that I want to go in the field of psychedelic research and am gathering information about these substances for a long time. Thus, I know about harm reduction practices more than general public.
So why Synthesis?
Medical screening, safe space, pure souls, positive intentions, great music, healthy food, spiritual aroma… can you arrange it all by yourself? Finding a trip sitter isn’t an easy job. Also, tripping alone won’t take you deeper (unless you do a lot of background research yourself). In the age where psychedelics are going mainstream and at the same time there is a rise of fake shamans who are risking people’s lives, I feel synthesis is doing a great job by modelling a scientific approach towards psychedelics in a spiritual environment. I prefer the scientific approach taken by Synthesis because I don’t want humanity to make the same mistake it made in the 1960s.
I think Synthesis is more for a general population who is searching for deeper insights about their problems. To attend such ceremonies, you should have a clear intention and a good financial background. If you are thinking to attend Synthesis retreat, you can schedule a (free) call with the facilitators and discuss about the same. The call would also help you to decide if Synthesis is for you or not.
Honourable mentions
Trying out Wim Hof method
On day 2 early morning, I joined Sven (a certified Wim Hof method instructor) for a cold water bath at a nearby pond. We were only 4 people, 3 team members and 1 participant, as it wasn’t a part of the retreat. I feel so proud I was able to accomplish it, of course, I couldn’t even imagine trying it without any guidance. I would like to thank Sven for the same! The cold exposure boosted my energy and prepared me for that day.
My accommodation
I am also grateful to Synthesis for providing me with shared accommodation with a nicely arranged bed in The Lighthouse. I initially thought I would need to find my own accommodation somewhere near to The Lighthouse, but I am so happy it wasn’t the case. When I entered The Lighthouse, Maria welcomed me with tea and showed me my nicely arranged bed. Looking at it, I was like, “Vismay, are you a volunteer?”
Goodbye Dance
After the participants left and the team meeting was also over, we all played songs and danced freely in the church area. It was time for team members to celebrate. It was a happy moment. I had great sync in a dance move with Tatiana. Oh! I still remember those funny moves.
Thank you everyone
I was the youngest person at the retreat; also, I was a volunteer. Which makes my views the least important person in the whole ceremony, but to my surprise, nobody let me feel that way. Generally, in a team, the hierarchy is clearly visible. I mean if you are a volunteer, you feel like you are a volunteer, mostly because of your work. But at synthesis, the whole team, including the lead facilitator Natasja helped us in making arrangements. The whole team had a single intention, to bring best out of the people attending the retreat, and to accomplish this aim, we all knew that no work was small or big. I am thankful for being a part of such team.
I feel grateful to all the people who encouraged me for my work. I especially feel grateful to one of the team member, Henk, who appreciated me in a way I can never forget. Such appreciation motivates me to do better and not break that person’s belief in me. Henk also taught me a lot about holding space. I feel grateful for his presence.
Before ending this blog, I want to thank all the other team members who made my volunteering experience memorable. I will now mention all the names which I missed during my whole blog. First, I want to thank Arin for considering my application and forwarding it to Natasja. I was surprised by the dedication of Eliz to serve as a volunteer, she motivated me a lot. I want to thank Tero for being the funniest team member (and yes, those cricket discussion :P). Co-lead facilitator Tessa became my inspiration for holding space, she supported one of the participants (who was going through challenging experience) during the whole ceremony, which was an appreciable job. I had a good time discussing the effects of hypnosis with Jeff. By the way, he is also a great composer and his music was also included in the ceremonial music playlist. I had an unbelievable (literally unbelievable) discussion with Tatiyana on ketamine, dreams and her scientifically unexplainable experiences. I also want to thank the chef from Doorzee for cooking one of the tastiest yet healthy plant-based food I had outside India.
At last, I am thankful to all the participants. After all, as I previously said, it was about them and not us. I learned a lot from the participants. I hope they too had a great time interacting with me.
During those 3 days, I was like, “what more I want?” The retreat left me with a dilemma, whether I should go in psychedelic research or be a facilitator and hold space for others (why not?!). I think at one point in life, I may consider holding space for others as my part-time work (more like serving back to the community).
Thanks for reading the blog. Feel free to contact me if you have any queries :)
