A Girl Overcoming the Trauma of Her Father’s Infidelity — Case Study
A Healing Journey Towards Embracing the Shadow Self
Background: This is a real-life story of one of my clients. Some details have been altered to maintain anonymity, but utmost care has been taken to keep the story of “how the mind evolved” intact.
Consent: I want to emphasize that my client has given full consent for me to share this story with you. We believe it will be helpful to others who may be struggling with similar issues.
Disclaimer: This case study doesn’t endorse the use of any illicit substances.
Introduction
Jane, a 29-year-old woman, faced numerous challenges during her childhood. Growing up in a poor family, her family struggled to make ends meet.
At an early age, Jane discovered her father was having an affair. Though her parents stayed together, she struggled to connect with her father after the betrayal.
As the oldest child, Jane took on the role of caretaker for her siblings and parents, which only added to the weight on her shoulders.
When I first met Jane, she was already dealing with a range of issues, including anxiety, suicidal thoughts, body image issues, constant heaviness in the chest and difficulty trusting people. To make matters worse, she had trouble sleeping at night.
All these struggles made her question the meaning of her life and why she was even born.
Although Jane had tried therapy before, she didn’t see any drastic changes in her life. That’s when we decided to work together to uncover the root of her trauma — the disconnection that had disrupted her meaning-making system.
The Process
We decided to incorporate psychoactive truffles (medicine) to assist inner exploration. Weeks in advance, we scheduled several sessions to set the intentions and prepare the mind for the medicine journey.
Pre-Medicine Meetings
During our first conversations, I noticed that Jane’s mind was like a race car, speeding through topics at breakneck speeds. She couldn’t settle on one thought for long, leaving her feeling disoriented and overloaded.
Her mind seemed stuck in survival mode, a pattern programmed during her challenging childhood.
Furthermore, she had developed a strong sense of right or wrong, and would quickly judge anything that didn’t align with her beliefs.
In the nurturing and supportive environment of our therapy sessions, Jane set aside the rigid judgments imposed by her mind and grounded herself in the truth of her life.
Her heart softened the push and pull to resist reality, releasing the tremendous amount of energy she had been using to suppress her emotions.
The release of this energy took the form of cathartic tears, leaving her feeling much lighter. It also helped her to clarify her intentions for the medicine experience.
Medicine Journey
Jane faced immense challenges in her journey. She was transported back to her childhood, where she encountered a terrifying demon. Overwhelmed with fear, she sought refuge in her mother’s embrace within her imagination.
She also envisioned her unrequited love as a protective angel, giving her a sense of warmth and security.
Throughout the journey, she took refuge in angels — things that made her feel safe, as the emotional pain in her heart was too intense to let go of her defence mechanism against the demon.
Integration Discussion
During our integration discussion, we gained valuable insights into her medicine journey.
The Shadow Self
Shadow refers to the unconscious and repressed parts of the psyche that consist of unacceptable aspects of personality, such as fears, insecurities, desires, and impulses.
For example, she learned in childhood that lying and getting angry are harmful. Now as an adult, she couldn’t tolerate these things.
However, as a natural human conditioning, she found herself feeling angry and lying in certain situations. To cope with this contradiction, she disowned these behaviors and projected them onto others. Thus, they become her shadow part.
(For nerds: She was disconnected from her masculine side, i.e. the first stage of Animus Development¹ and consequently, Animus Possessed²)
3–2–1 Shadow Work
3–2–1 Shadow Work³ is a simple and effective technique for exploring and integrating our Shadow Self. The process involves a shift from 3rd → 2nd →1st person’s perspective of the trauma.
In her case, it was the fragmentation of her psyche between demons and angels. As we went through the process together, Jane experienced a sense of opening up and embodiment of her shadow part, leading to a profound integration of her shadow and a newfound sense of wholeness.
The Demon
The demon was none other than her own anger.
The truth about her father was so harsh that her mind couldn’t accept it, leading her to push it away. She felt angry, after all, “how could he do that?”
The anger that she repressed within herself manifested into a giant monster. Whenever the authentic emotion of anger arose, she disowned it and imagined it as a demon.
Subsequently, she started to fear the angry demon. However, dealing with fear could never feel liberating because fear was a symptom of anger.
Only when she connected with the feelings of anger within her, she could understand the dynamics of her mind and find answers to why she behaved the way she did.
The Angels
The feeling of pure angelic love was actually a deep unconscious infatuation.
She also understood that the intense feelings of love she experienced towards certain people in her life were merely a product of her mind stimulating a pleasurable tone as it felt safe around these people.
Thus, she recognized that just like the demon, the angels were also a projection originating from her underlying need for security and comfort.
Dissolution of the Duality
“When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good, other things become bad.” — Lao Tzu
She could see neither the demons were inherently bad, nor angels were inherently good. Both were the product of her mind, stemming from a deeper shadow part that was unconscious to her.
With this insight, her rigid judgements dissolved, and she could feel compassion for the complexities of human conditioning and the sufferings people endure.
Overcoming Unconscious Patterns in Romantic Relationships
One of her key realizations was that she was often drawn to men who resembled her father in unhealthy ways.
This pattern of behaviour had been largely unconscious, as she was seeking a father figure in her romantic relationships to resolve feelings of abandonment from her past and gain a sense of safety, security, and strength. As a result, she had trouble getting romantic.
Moving forward, she is committed to being mindful and intentional in her relationships to break these patterns and foster healthier connections.
Forgiving Her Father
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, There is a field. I’ll meet you there. — Rumi
Initially, she felt a lot of resistance towards the idea of forgiving her father. All she ever wanted was someone to protect her, and she couldn’t understand why she should let go of her anger towards him. “Wasn’t he wrong?”
But as she continued to explore her emotions, she began to see her father’s behaviour as a product of his own experiences and circumstances, rather than a personal attack on her.
She realized that her anger was only hurting herself, and that forgiveness was the key to releasing the pain she had been carrying for so long.
As she let go of her resentment and accepted her father’s imperfections, she found a newfound sense of freedom and peace. She no longer felt bound by the chains of anger but could feel compassion for herself and her father.
Changes After Therapy
After the process, she noticed significant changes in various aspects of her life. Here are some of the changes she mentioned:
- She found it easier to reflect on her past and confront her emotions.
- She felt more alive and in touch with her spiritual essence.
- Her emotional intelligence increased, and she could better understand her own and others’ emotions.
- She could take a stronger stance in situations where she used to feel paralyzed before.
- She developed a greater sense of mindfulness, noticing patterns like using a smile as a coping mechanism when struggling with anxiety at night.
Steps Ahead
She had many profound realizations that went beyond just intellectual understanding. She is actively working to integrate these insights and make them a permanent part of her perspective and behaviour.
How the Mind Evolved
Numbness → Sadness → Fear → Anger → Dissolving Judgements and Accepting Reality → Wise Actions and Forgiveness
Some Heartful Words…
I am grateful that she placed her trust in me and embarked on this inner journey. Her progress and growth have been remarkable, and I admire her perseverance. I hope she continues to explore and unfold herself, discovering the true freedom that life offers.
I also want to thank you all for taking the time to read this case study. If the story touched your heart, please show your support by giving it a clap and leaving a comment.
It can be incredibly reassuring for someone to know that they are not alone in their journey, and your support could make a meaningful difference in their day.
Her Message
“I am glad I trusted Vismay with his counselling. His questions were very relevant to pin point the area of concern. Also, unlike most therapies I have been to, he doesn’t shy away from showing the harsh reality. I would highly recommend Vismay to anyone seeking support.”— Jane
About the Project
This case study is one part of my ongoing project. Read more about the project in this article: Disentangling The Mind
Find out more about me: vismay.super.site
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